Humor Quotes by Jim Norton

Jim Norton

For the record, I hate skiing… and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.

Funny

Hate

Humor

Jim Norton

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

Clothes

Funny

Humor

Jim Norton

I couldn’t get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.

Funny

Humor

Rifles

Jim Norton

I don’t have kids. That’s why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

Funny

Hate

Humor

Jim Norton

I don’t pull out because… it’s not my problem.

Funny

Humor

Problem

Jim Norton

I don’t wear rubbers cause you can’t catch it twice.

Funny

Humor

Rubber

Jim Norton

I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn’t hit her.

Funny

Humor

Running

Jim Norton

I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil.

Aids

Funny

Humor

Jim Norton

I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic.

Funny

Humor

Picnics

Jim Norton

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby’s room already decorated.

Baby

Funny

Humor

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Milton Jones

George Jean Nathan

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Baby

Badass

Boston

Cartoon

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Children

Cleveland

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Clubs

College

Country

Couscous

Cracks

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Darkness

Deeper

Embarrassed

Existence

Fall

Faults

Forgiveness

Funny

Funny Marriage

Grateful

Guy

Hate

Helping

Homeless

Horse

House

Humor

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Interesting

Jersey

Jobs

Kids

Laughing

Looks

Magic

Mean

Mind

Museums

Needs

Negative

New Year

New York

Night

Owners

Penn State

People

Periods

Picnics

Pits

Problem

Real

Restraint

Rifles

Rubber

Running

Selfish

Sex

Silly

Sorry

Struggle

Thinking

Tragedy

Trying

Voice

Want

Wish

Humor Quotes by Jim Norton

For the record, I hate skiing… and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

I couldn’t get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.

I don’t have kids. That’s why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

I don’t pull out because… it’s not my problem.

I don’t wear rubbers cause you can’t catch it twice.

I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn’t hit her.

I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil.

I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic.

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby’s room already decorated.

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Humor Quotes by

Milton Jones

George Jean Nathan

Norman Ralph Augustine

Jules Renard

Michael Badnarik

Topics by Jim Norton

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